self-care – Living The M Life

How to Avoid Mom Burnout

May 9, 2020May 9, 2020by courtneyimade

How are you holding up? I know the past couple of months have been tough for everyone. I’m grateful that my family is healthy and together at home (and also grateful that my baby Maxwell is finally sleeping through the night so I can feel like a real human being again) but of course spending so much time with two toddlers and an infant without a real break can be challenging at times. Burnout is a serious problem for parents everywhere. Here are my top tips to fight back against burnout:

Take a walk or do a daily workout (preferably without your kids)– If you have the option to take a morning or evening walk/jog without your children present, this is a great peaceful activity to clear your mind and get some fresh air. In the past whenever I’ve done this I’ve always come back feeling much better. If you can’t get out by yourself, taking a walk with your children is still much better than staying indoors all the time. Sometimes our thoughts feel heavier when they’re trapped inside the walls of our homes, and getting outdoors can shift our perspectives.

Working out indoors is also a useful way to boost your mood with endorphins. I recently started doing 2-3 short workouts a day using the Peloton app. I do a dance routine in the mornings when Maxwell is napping. My toddlers love the music and try to copy the dance routine so it’s a fun activity for everyone. Sometimes in the evenings we do one of Peloton’s 5 minute family cardio videos to get our blood moving, and after Maxwell has gone to bed my husband takes our toddlers downstairs to play and I do a cycling workout right before I start their bedtime routine. Scheduling that time for myself every day is a method of self-care that actually leaves me feeling recharged. There are a lot of great fitness apps to use for indoor workouts, or you can keep it simple with workouts like push ups, sit ups, pullups, squats, planks, and jump roping that are all very effective.

Talk or video chat every day– One of the hardest parts of quarantine life for many of us is not being able to see family and friends like we used to. But reaching out for some light hearted conversation with other adults who are not a part of your household is a useful tool to avoid mom burnout. And checking on loved ones can be calming and reassuring. Make time to call or text friends or family every day. I’m usually not a big fan of video chatting, but it’s been vital in staying connected to my mom and sister. I love the Facebook portal, my kids enjoy using all of the funny filters while they video chat with their Nana.

Watch things that help you escape– There are so many great shows and movies on Netflix and other streaming platforms. Watching something that helps you escape from your own life for a little bit is a useful indulgence when things feel monotonous or you need a pick me up. I usually love action movies and dramas, but comedies and romance have been especially entertaining to me lately. Don’t feel bad for indulging in more screen time when you need it.

Practice self care– In addition to restarting my fitness journey, I also started a new skincare routine recently. These small acts of self-care remind me that I need to make myself a priority in my household too. And my kids and I get dressed (almost) every day. I used to let them hang out in their pajamas all day pretty often, but now that the days are all running together I feel like getting dressed gives us a little more structure to start the day. Whatever makes you feel calmer, more productive, or more confident should be a part of your daily routine.

Stick to a schedule– Sticking to a clear weekday schedule is one of the most useful tools that I have to combat burnout. Structure makes me feel like our ship is still sailing somewhat smoothly. I still use The Busy Toddler’s Playing Preschool lesson plans on weekdays. Thankfully my boys are still young enough to have a dedicated nap time so I use that time to take a break when I can. And we stick to a bedtime for all three kids.

Those are my top tips to combat mom burnout. If you have any tips please share them in the comments!

Xo,

Courtney

Millennial Life Advice, Motherhood, Pregnancy and Postpartum, Wellness

How to Survive the Fourth Trimester

November 18, 2019November 18, 2019by courtneyimadeLeave a Comment

I’m currently six weeks into my fourth trimester- the magical three month period after having a new baby when you’re recovering from childbirth and caring for a new human that’s still on womb central time. This is baby #3 but I’m still finding the fourth trimester to be a challenge at times. This time around I have the benefit of experience with juggling more than one baby, but still suffer from sleep deprivation and hormonal changes (among other things) just like any new mom. I feel so blessed to have my three boys, but going through the postpartum period three years in a row hasn’t been an easy task and I’ve learned a lot (and I’m still learning) as a result. Here are my top tips for surviving the fourth trimester:

Manage Your Expectations– Having a new baby can be a wonderful experience at times, and at other times you might feel caught off guard by how challenging things like sleep deprivation, breastfeeding, or caring for a fussy baby can be. It’s important to know that these experiences are normal and temporary, and seek support if you’re struggling with anything. Lean on family and friends for advice when you need it.

If your hospital or another resource in your community offers a new mom support group consider joining. Read books about the postpartum period. Join POSITIVE and ENCOURAGING mom groups online. I personally love reading updates from Lucie’s List and I read and post to a few mom groups on Facebook. You can never have too much support during this period. Hearing from others about what’s normal helps you manage your expectations when things feel tough.

Many times hormonal changes and sleep deprivation are the main culprits when new moms feel irritable or “off” but if you feel like things are more serious than that and you may be suffering from postpartum depression then don’t be afraid to seek help. Many women experience that too and your pediatrician or OB can get you started with resources that will help.

Prioritize Your Needs– People tend to prioritize the baby’s needs (this starts from day 1 in the hospital) but your needs are important too. The saying that you can’t pour from an empty cup definitely applies here. Ask for as much help as you want. Say no to any activities or visitors that feel draining.

Even simple activities like taking a shower and drinking a cup of coffee can be important rituals for a new mom. Invest in a bouncer or swing if you can so that you can put that cute baby down and take care of yourself when you’re on your own. The baby will be okay while you take a quick shower.

Also don’t neglect your nutrition, especially if you’re nursing. A healthy, balanced diet and lots of water are necessary to replenish your body after childbirth. You have to be the one in charge of your self-care.

Get As Much Sleep As You Can– Unless you’re blessed with a baby who’s a great sleeper from the start (it happens, I got that lucky with baby #2) this one is usually easier said than done. But getting more sleep usually starts with getting help at night if you can. Make your partner take a shift at night if possible. Even if you’re not going into work like your partner, you still have the important job of caring for a baby during the day.

They say sleep when the baby sleeps during the day, but it can be tough to choose between napping, getting work done, and just enjoying some time to yourself. And if you have more than one child then this is especially difficult. But if sleeping is an option, take it. Cleaning, cooking, your Instagram feed etc all can wait.

Get Out of the House– Sometimes when things feel tough or you’re just exhausted, you need a change of scenery. Taking the baby for a walk so that you can get some fresh air can lift your mood. Try to schedule a few fun activities out of the house with your partner or friends as well, but don’t overwhelm yourself.

The fourth trimester might feel never ending during the challenging moments, but before you know it your baby will have outgrown the newborn stage. There’s nothing like those sweet newborn snuggles, so remember to pause and soak in the sweetness whenever you can. Those are my top tips for surviving the fourth trimester. I’d love to hear your thoughts/advice in the comments!

Xo,

Courtney

Fave Products, Millennial Life Advice, Motherhood

The Routines That Keep My Household Afloat

July 15, 2019July 15, 2019by courtneyimade2 Comments

Now that I’ve been a Mom of two for over a year (and am getting closer and closer to being a Mom of three!) I’ve realized the key to success in my household is creating routines and sticking to them, and how routines might help others even if you’re a parent (or future parent) of one. My household does the best when we stick to established routines, and when we stray from them for too long chaos usually ensues! Below I’ve listed some of the routines that I use to keep my sanity on weekdays, including the kids’ daily routines, my weekday mealtime routine, and most importantly our bedtime routine (is there anything parents want more than more sleep?)

The Kids’ Daytime Schedule

We typically follow the same schedule Monday through Friday. When the kids wake up I let them play for about half an hour, make breakfast, then let them watch cartoons while I do some laundry or cleaning (yes, I am pro screen time when I need a distraction).

After that we do an at home preschool program by Susie of the Busy Toddler. It’s meant for kids ages 2.5 and up, but my youngest Myles still participates sometimes. The lessons typically involve a song or two, a book, and 2-3 hands on activities. I get most of the suggested books from the library, and the rest of the books and supplies on Amazon.

After “preschool” and more play time I make lunch and put the boys down for a nap. It took a little while to get both of them on the same nap schedule. This involved doing my best to keep Myles awake until after lunch, until he got used to it. Getting them down for a nap at the same time is so worth it, because it guarantees me an hour or two of free time where I can get some things done or take a nap myself (which has been helpful this pregnancy). If you have two children close in age I recommend getting them on the same nap schedule as early as possible.

After nap time I take them out in the stroller for a walk or some time at the park or library. Then I just let them play until my husband comes home and he takes over while I make dinner. The rest of the evening typically revolves around whatever my husband and I are doing.

Mealtimes

I love to eat but I am not the type of person who loves to cook. I’ve developed a few hacks to make things easier for myself. The first thing I do to make things easier is never taking my kids grocery shopping. I rarely go to the grocery store at all these days, unless I’m running in for a quick item or two. The rest of the time I order groceries through Amazon Prime Now. They are conveniently delivered to my door and as long as you buy at least $35 worth of groceries the delivery fee is free (although you can add on an optional tip for the driver). This means no more struggling with a crying toddler or two while I schlep down aisle after aisle, and grocery shopping no longer raises my blood pressure like it has in the past.

For breakfast I usually alternate between whole wheat pancakes, Abe’s amazing vegan muffins (I cannot stress enough how amazing they are), cinnamon raisin toast, or scrambled eggs with fresh fruit for my kids. In the future I’d love to expand to some more healthy recipes but for now these options are quick and always work.

Lunch is usually peanut butter and jelly sandwiches or Dr. Praegar’s spinach, broccoli, sweet potato or kale littles with veggies or fruit. I don’t experiment much with lunch foods because my oldest Mason is so picky.

Dinner is when I do the most experimenting. I recently restarted my Hello Fresh subscription so that I can learn more vegetarian meals, and we go meat free 3 times a week with their veggie plan. I won’t keep the subscription going forever, but for now it’s a great way to learn new recipes and cooking skills, and having a subscription has definitely increased my interest in cooking. The rest of the week I cook with meat from a farm CSA (community supported agriculture) share. This allows us to purchase 15 lbs of pasture raised, hormone-free meat each month. I purchase my share through Liberty Delight Farms. And once a week we order takeout for dinner (my favorite night of the week).

Bedtime

Thankfully both of my children sleep through the night at this stage (I’m getting ready to start over with baby #3 so wish me luck!) but we got there by moving the kids out of our bedroom, establishing a bedtime routine, and using the cry it out method (aka sleep training) for a little while. Moving the kids out of my bedroom was vital for me. I always start off with co-sleeping before moving my kids to a bassinet or pack n play in my room. But there’s something about having me nearby that just causes my kids to wake up looking for my attention (or milk) more often. I was amazed at how much longer they started sleeping when they left my room. This is only recommended when your kids are about 6 months +.

Crying it out is a controversial method, I know some parents can’t stand to hear their little ones’ cries go unanswered and I felt the same way at first. We tried it with my son Mason when he was about 5 months old because I was still getting up multiple times a night and feeling like a zombie at work. The first night of crying it out my husband had to stop me from going to him and I felt so sad. But then when he finally fell asleep, he slept for the rest of the night! On the second night he cried for a much shorter interval before falling asleep. After a few days he barely cried at all. The time it takes to get this method to work can vary but trust me it does work. And both of my kids survived the experience and are happy and very attached to me.

Some people are amazed at how easily they usually fall asleep at home but it’s because we’ve been doing the same bedtime routine for so long that they’re very used to what comes next. I use Honest Calming Lavender Bubble Bath to help the boys get in a sleepy mood. After bath time I read 1-2 board books that are appropriate for Myles, then take him to his bed and turn on 15 minutes of bedtime music on his Scout dog (I’ve also used a noise machine and night light in the past- the Hatch Baby Rest is amazing, but found that they do fine without it now). I rock him in my arms for 2-3 minutes then lay him down and leave. He’s usually asleep within 10 minutes without any fuss. Then I read 1-2 more advanced books for Mason and repeat the same music/rocking routine with his Scout dog. Sometimes he takes longer to fall asleep but he lays in his crib without crying until he does. Then I give myself a mental pat on the back and relax for about 30 mins before joining my husband for a Netflix show.

I know a lot of people who co-sleep end up doing so long-term, but once my babies reached the 6 month mark having designated kid-free time every night and sleeping in my bed without them has been so beneficial to my mental health and my marriage.

Those are the most important aspects of my daily routine. I would love to hear your thoughts/tips for establishing a routine in the comments.

Xo,

Courtney

Fashion and Beauty, Fave Products

My Holy Grail Beauty Essentials

February 28, 2019by courtneyimadeLeave a Comment

I’ve found that as I get older I’m actually getting more into beauty products- upgrading my skincare routine as well as perfecting my day and night makeup looks. I see it as an important form of self-care now that I’m in my 30s. And as a busy Mom of two I need self-care. Below I’ve listed my absolute favorite skincare and makeup products. Let me know what your favorites are in the comments.

Rodan + Fields Radiant Defense Perfecting Liquid– If you use foundation I’m sure you’ve dealt with the pain of finding the perfect formula. There are so many brands out there and quality varies widely. I’ve tried many brands over the years and struggled to find one that provided just the right amount of coverage, offered the perfect color match, lasted a long time, and didn’t transfer color. Rodan and Fields had the best foundation I’ve tried yet. The formula is so lightweight it feels like a tinted moisturizer, but it really lasts and the color blends perfectly. My skin always looks dewy and illuminated when I put it on.

Anastasia Beverly Hills Brow Powder Duo– I’ve always had sparse brows and I’ve been filling them in pretty religiously for the past 6 or 7 years (I cringe at some of my old photos before I started filling them in). I finally made the leap and scheduled an appointment with one of the top microblading artists in the DMV area at the end of the April (she’s booked months out and I couldn’t be more excited about this upcoming appointment). But up until now Anastasia Beverly Hills’ brow powder has been a lifesaver. It’s easy to use with an angled brush, the pigment looks very natural and blends easily, and one pot of this magic formula lasts a long time.

Too Faced Better than Sex Mascara– Like the search for the perfect foundation, my search for the perfect mascara went on for some time. Too Faced’s Better than Sex mascara offers the most dramatic length of any mascara brand I’ve tried. I love the wand itself and their tips for getting the most length.

Fenty Beauty Match Stix Trio– I’ve always been intimidated by contouring, but the Fenty Beauty Match stix make contouring and highlighting so easy. You can choose the perfect shade of concealer, the perfect contour color, and a pretty highlighter shade by matching it to your Fenty foundation shade. Being able to do a simple contour has really upgraded my night out makeup looks.

Anastasia Beverly Hills Liquid Lipstick-I love matte liquid lipstick because it makes my lips look fuller. My husband has even accused me of altering my lips in photos when I’m wearing it. Anastasia Beverly Hills offers gorgeous colors in a formula with staying power. I’ve really been getting in to red lipstick lately and I love the shade “Seraphine” for the perfect ruby red, and mixing “Heathers” and “Tulip” for a vampy shade of red.

Sunday Riley Good Genes Lactic Acid Treatment– I love all Sunday Riley products but the Lactic Acid Treatment is perfect for exfoliating your skin. My skin always looks more even and my pores look smaller after using it.
What are your favorite makeup and skincare products?
Xo,
Courtney

Millennial Life Advice, Motherhood

4 Misconceptions About Millennial Motherhood (Part 2)

June 9, 2018by courtneyimadeLeave a Comment

Welcome back! In part 1 of my post on the top 4 misconceptions about millennial motherhood I addressed romance and travel after having kids. In part 2 I’m sharing my thoughts on taking care of yourself and climbing the career ladder. I want to continue to give future and current millennial moms a little encouragement. But if you’ve been through these things and have a different take I’d love to know your thoughts too! If you missed misconception 1 and 2 be sure to check out part 1.

Misconception # 3: You’ll stop taking care of yourself– I’ll admit this one is tough. It’s easy to neglect your own maintenance and self-care when you have another human to look after. There have been plenty of days that I didn’t feel like changing out of my sweats because I knew it was likely that spit up/food/some miscellaneous substance would end up on me. And days that I didn’t relish my normal beauty routine or opted for something quick and unhealthy instead of focusing on eating well. But when you take the time to take care of yourself you tend to feel better. I definitely need a pick me up sometimes and putting on a cute outfit and doing my hair and makeup is a relatively simple way to get a small boost. I feel more capable when I put that effort in. You definitely don’t have to be a celebrity to do this. I have a couple of very glam mom friends who inspire me whenever I see them (my own mother and grandmother are very glam as well and quick to call me out if they think I need to take care of myself better). Taking care of yourself well after kids isn’t always easy but it’s possible and sometimes it’s necessary.

Misconception #4: You’ll lose your ambition/ability to climb the career ladder– Balancing your career with being a mother can be really tough, especially in the early stages. But thankfully there are a lot of companies that support family life. I work at a company that allows me to work from home a couple of days a week, supports breastfeeding mothers, and didn’t treat me any differently when I announced my pregnancy (I still got a raise after my annual review, and the assignments kept coming in). I know that’s not the case for everyone though and if you work at a place that you feel really doesn’t support you as a mother, then it may be best to move on if you can. And yes you can look for a new job while pregnant! I did with my first, and when I got an interview with my current company during my first trimester I was so nervous about when I should tell them and how they would react. It’s pretty sad that pregnant women even have to worry about employers’ reactions. I ended up waiting until I got my offer (and before I accepted) to let them know and when I did everyone was very sweet and supportive about it. The right company will understand that you have a right to start a family if and when you choose.

In the DMV area in particular there are a few large companies that offer benefits like paid maternity leave and backup childcare. And government positions often come with a lot of scheduling flexibility. I also consider myself lucky to work with other women who embraced motherhood and still continued to climb the career ladder. And there are more opportunities than ever to do something entrepreneurial from home. The bottom line is it’s not easy but giving life definitely doesn’t have to stop your career growth if you’re working. There’s also nothing wrong with having children and deciding to stay home with them if you can, you never know how you’ll feel until the option is presented to you, we all have different paths.

Those are my thoughts on some of the top misconceptions about millennial motherhood, If you have questions or comments about anything, including job hunting or work-life balance as a mom I’d love to chat.

As always wishing you lots of self-care,

Courtney